The woods are very dark
Its winter season now
I walked in without a torch in the dark
And my hand hit on a rose plant.
“Ouch” I cried, as
A thorn went into my hand
I couldn’t see the thorn in the dark
But I could feel a stab of pain
I thought I would be dead
I thought it was a poisonous thorn
I felt afraid that I might die
And I felt something strike my heart
Then I shouted loud and loud
And then suddenly opened my eyes
And saw me lying under the bed.
good one.keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteNice one, Aravind!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work.
yeahh achukutta... GR888 WORK...DO POST UR OTHER POEMS TOO..
ReplyDeleteHi! Great blog! looking forward to the poem on the Pop singer. Would you mind if I point out certain things? Look at the tense of the first couple of line and that of the rest. Different isn't it? Try changing the first two lines to past tense.
ReplyDeleteLike - 'It was winter
And the woods were dark'.
Let your imagination go wild. Instead of 'walking' make it something like -
'Lost in the wilderness,
I wandered without a light'
Now a couple of lines to describe the fearsome forest. That will create the atmosphere, make the reader tense and feel dreadful - they will say in their minds - 'oh this poor boy, whats going to happen to him, God, please take care of him, why his parents allowed him to get lost; etc etc.
Create action- like you stumbling around and falling and then suddenly finding yourself at the edge of a chasm or a deep pit and you grabbing to a vine hanging nearby and its thorns plunging deep into your palm and you cry out and suddenly you wake up and find yourself on the floor beside the bed and the box of pins that you had carelessly left lying on the floor before you went to sleep. That will make the readers sigh and laugh with relief and say - 'Ha! That will teach him to be more careful with his stuff' - you know, adults always like to teach boys a thing or two and say 'I always told you so!'
good work
ReplyDeletekeep writing
all the best
dear aravind keep writing........ best of luck!!!
ReplyDelete